This is dad now

There are bright colorful flowers on his headstone. MK is still taking care of him. She did such a good job with him for over 25 years of their marriage.

I have been coming to Emerald Isle every year since grandma moved here, which was in the early 90’s. After Ed and I were married (15 years this year), we continued to come down every year, most years it was twice a year. He fell in love with Emerald Isle.

This is the first trip here where I won’t be seeing dad. I am surprised at how emotional this has been for me. We stopped for lunch, after seeing his grave, and just thinking about the fact that I won’t see him this time just kept bringing tears to my eyes. Some dear sweet stranger came to me and spoke words of comfort to me. I thought that was a very brave gesture. I wonder if I would have the nerve to do that to someone I had never seen before.

It is a strange feeling knowing that I will not see dad on this trip. It is a hard to describe feeling. I didn’t know there was such a big hole here now. The ocean is beautiful and we love just being away, especially in a place where that we are very familiar with. I was not aware of how much I looked forward to seeing dad when I came here. It is funny how you just take these things for granted.

One thing I have learned through this whole experience is that hospice knows what they are talking about. I know there are a few exceptions to the rule, but if they ever give me a time frame on a loved one again...I am going to believe them and take advantage of any time I can. Since this is the first real close blood relative death I have experienced, I was believing the positive talk I was hearing, and not the reality talk. Lesson learned there.

This will be a rather strange week for me, but I know that it is all part of God’s plan, and part of my healing.