I thought once it was over, it would be over. There would be nothing else and I would just have my memories. But that is not the case, I still think about it.
It has been said that everyone does the “I wish we had…” when someone dies. It appears that I am no different. I gave you a chance…came right out with the subject…but you said you were ok to keep on fighting the fight.
Maybe I am angry with me because I didn’t pursue the subject, maybe I am angry with me because I didn’t spend more time with you after your stroke, maybe I should have taken a leave from work to be with you more, maybe more time together would have made the conversation happen. Maybe by writing all of this I can finally let go of you, or maybe not.
You are gone, you have been for almost a year…so why do I still cry? You have lived a good life, a long life, a full life, why am I so selfish…because we had more to talk about, that’s why!!
I know this is all heart talking, my mind knows a whole different story. My mind knows that God is good and I will see you again, I actually have seen you a few times since your physical body left this earth. I wonder if that will continue, or if it will fade away.
Either way, you are my one and only earthly dad, I couldn’t have had a better one. You are still in my heart, I love you and always will.