Where did the time go?

Here it is Friday already!!! I was going to do so much this week. I had great plans. What happened?

I'll tell you what happened....I slept!

I did manage to get out every day though. (No I didn't drive - I obey the rules) Ummm let's see, Best Buy (we bought a Wii), Kroger for food, Costco more food and a Wii Fit Plus, JC Pennys (much needed black shoes). I made my weekly team meeting (oh yea about those rules...don't tell HR). Did I mention that I have a great team? And I even made my small group meeting! Did I mention that I love my small group?

I even went on a couple of walks. The weather is so beautiful I just couldn't stay in. Shelby was lovin' it too. I started a new book too (thanks Anita).

But that still did not get all the work done in the house I wanted to do. You would think that being here 24/7 I could have done something. My wonderful husband even got the laundry done for me. Did I mention that I have the best husband in the whole wide world?

You know after writing all this I do feel better. I don't feel like such the loser I felt when I started this blog. And I still have a couple more days! Gee thanks dear blog. You have lifted my spirits.

I woke up!!!!

I have to blog about this, this is what blogging is all about. The most bizzare thing happened to me during my operation.

I woke up during surgery!!

It was the most unbelievable feeling. No, this wasn't for real, was it? Was this really happening? No one seemed to care but me...and I was scared. I thought that I woke up last year, but recounting the events I knew I couldn't have. But this time it was for real, I know for a fact I did.

I could hear Dr. Krug's voice "tension...tension 10...suture." I could feel pressure on my face and my eye. There was another male and female voice on my left with the doctor. I moved my hand and someone on my right gave me their hand and I squeezed it. All I wanted to do was go back out...please put me back out. But they didn't hear me for I was only crying on the inside. It felt like 10-15 minutes passed. I just knew I couldn't move.

Krug then started to address me! "You are doing good...you will feel a slight pinch...ready to close (well maybe that wasn't addressed to me)." Noooooo, don't talk to me...I don't want to be here...I don't want to really hear you now! The next thing I felt was ripping off of all the covering that was on my face. Then he put a patch on and taped it down. I couldn't believe what was happening! It didn't really hurt, but I could feel it!

After recovery Ed asked how I was feeling and the surreal and scared feeling was still with me. I said "I can't talk about it now" (because I knew I would cry more). It wasn't until we got home, that I tried to tell him what had happened, and yes, of course, I cried telling him the story.

All I can say now is...God is an awesome God! I will never understand how that all happens, but thank you. I don't think He minds that I was scared. I do know that He kept me calm so I wouldn't do anything stupid, and was certainly there with Dr. Krug! I am so loved!

Big day a comin'...

Here we go, under the knife again for more eye surgery. Last year a detached retina and scleral buckle (yes, a buckle on my eye), this year a vitrectomy operation. One day I Googled a scleral buckle in video form....nope couldn't watch it...still can't. It is too gruesome. Maybe some day. I am amazed that we have the technology to do such a thing, and I will leave it at that.

I'm not nervous, not sure why I'm not nervous. I guess because I have faith in this doctor (hey if he can put a buckle on your eye, he's got to be good). Dr. Stewart Krug is a man of little words, but I think big competency. Or is it faith that God loves me enough to get me through this with my sight? Speaking of competency! I am thinking the latter is true, without that the former is irrelevant.

My understanding is that this isn't even the end. I will then grow a cataract which will have to be removed too. As we all know that is a much more routine procedure.

Oh these eyes! Mine hardly seem worth it (I say that because my sight is so bad). But any sight should be better than none, right?

Let's look at this positively, maybe I will have more of a chance to blog! I know that makes the one person who reads this just ecstatic! I will blog as soon as I am allowed to do such things.

Forgive?

Dear Blog,

Ok, this isn't going so well. My posts are getting further and further apart. I should just close up shop and forget this idea. I was skeptical of a long lasting relationship with you right from the beginning.

You just sit there quietly, not saying anything, but beckoning me all the time. Sometimes when I see you I feel guilty that I have neglected you. Sometimes I promise....tomorrow. Sometimes I make up excuses why I won't sit down with you. Sometimes you make me angry because I can't even keep up with you.

Gee, who else does that sound like? Yes, you are in my thoughts, yes I want to spend more time with you, yes I know it is all up to me....and yes, I know I have dropped the ball again.

But if I ask for you to forgive all those things, you will. You will take me back. Your love for me never wanes. It is I who must step up to the plate. It is I who must turn and face this task. It is always in my court.

So my quesstion today is...God, will you please forgive me?

Curse meeeeeee!

It has already been over a week since I have written. I am sure my fan is just waiting for this post. Fan, as in singular.

My struggle today is this whole issue of weight. I mean, what the heck is the problem here? Am I really that lazy? Is is the weather? Is it that I am too busy? Is it my age? Is it because I have never had a weight problem before in my whole life? What excuse will I use today?

None, I tell you, there is none! No excuse works. There are people with kids who can find the time to exercise. I like winter, and snow. There is a ton of good healthy food out there to choose from. Age has nothing to do with it, there are plenty of skinny people my age. There is no excuse!

So why? Why do I continue to nothing? Sometimes I hate that part of me. The logical side (yes, sometimes there is one, really!) says "you must do something about this", then the reality side says "this isn't a health problem, what's the bid deal?" So I continue to beat myself up and nothing changes. I fluctuate 5 pounds down, than back up, then down again. I am really angry that I continue to do nothing about this.

Ok, now I am writing about it. Now I have confessed to the world (at least the one of you who reads this). Will that help?

My question to ponder is....what on earth will it take? Grrrrrrrrr!!!!

Surprise!!!

So we go to work on Saturday morning after getting 2-3" of snow overnight, and it still snowing off and on during the day. It was a typical, normal day. We came home about 9:00 at night to a huge surprise---our driveway had been shoveled!!

I accused Ed of doing it before he left for work, but he was as stunned as I because knew he hadn't shoveled it.

Now I love doing random and anonymous acts of kindness for people, so the question is.....why should I be surprised that someone would do it for me? But I still am!

Part of me wants to know who did it (see there is that theme again in these blogs, I want to know!). But part of me does not want to know. Actually in this case, it is the latter that is the bigger part. Something in me doesn't want to ruin the mystery. I want to savor God's love for me.

All I can say is 'Thank You' to whoever you are. And 'Thank You' God, for giving them the heart to do this wonderful thing for me.

A funny caveat to this story is that we have secretly wanted to buy a snow blower and go around our neighborhood doing is very thing for people as our way of showing God's love. (We actually went shopping for them last year, but didn't buy.) And here someone actually beat us to the punch!!

God is sooooo good!!

Kitchen? VCC?

So we stared thinking about our kitchen again. Seems like it takes us so long to do any type of home improvement around here. Could it have something to do with the fact that is because I usually only have one day off a week? And that one day consists of bills, grocery shopping, laundry and other assorted errands. (yep you read this right, I don't clean my house!) Please don't misconstrue what I am saying. I am not complaining, just stating a fact. I know fully well that we could, and should, have a two day "weekend" like the rest of the world.

That brings up the question to ponder, why do I feel so compelled to be at the Vineyard whenever I can? I actually 'volunteer' to be there more weekends than not. Sometimes I feel I am too old to be doing this. But most times it is just where I want to be.( Oh no, am I revisiting my very first post on this blog site about how I have a need to know what is going on? Is this a trend I am seeing in my blogs?)

Or....am I at the Vineyard because that is where my heart is. More than ever I want to see VCC succeed in helping others into a relationship with Jesus. Maybe I feel guilt because I know I am not a very good evangelist, so I work very hard behind the scenes to ensure that those who are good evangelists are equipped to evangelize. At least as far as I can be of help, so they can accomplish that.

Yes, my kitchen will get done and I am sure you will read about it here. Until then....let's go VCC!